Day 5 – Mind over matter

I was finally able to wash my face and dress myself this morning without the terrible aching in my arms. But we did cycling and yoga this morning in the exercise class and I could barely hold one plank pose (push-up position).

I just finished reading/looking over the book You Were Born Rich. He talks a lot about the power of positive thinking. He uses phrases like: “Just imagine what you want, and it will be drawn to you.” I believe in positive thinking, but what I don’t like about his book is when he implies that we DESERVE anything we WANT.

Day 4 – 8th grade English

I taught English at the middle school today.  The same class 6 times.  A boy that I know from teaching a terribly unruly cultural literacy class offered to go straight to the principals office because I had had to discipline him the last time I saw him.  C’est la vie of a teacher. 

Day 3 – More pain. More gain?

I could still barely touch my nose today, my muscles are so sore.  But I went to the exercise class anyway.  I did the circuit of machines and each time I started a machine that works the arms, it felt like what the last of 500 must feel like, with every muscle burning and crying in pain.  But I did it.  And I should have done it yesterday too.  Saying that I could have a free day because I was taking a car trip is BS.  I could have gotten to the gym and back by 6:45am so the car trip was just an excuse, and I can’t let excuses pile up.  So I call upon all of you to call me on any BS.

Day 2 No pain no gain

I woke this morning unable to bring my right arm all the way to my face because the muscles are so stiff.  I had to eat left handed, and I suppose I’ll have to shave with my electric razor in my left.  I’m not going to be able to go to the exercise class today because my cousin is sick.  My dad is going to visit him, and I offered to ride along for the 3 hour drive.  I have some things I have been meaning to say to my dad, and I hope this will put me on track for my goal of “6 months to love my parents.”

Day 1 – Postscript

I got up at 4:30 am to go to exercise class, because out here at the edge of nowhere, there is only one fitness center, and the only class I was interested in starts at 5:30.  The class was fun and inspiring, but now both arms hurt terribly from the push-ups.

Begin at the beginning

In six months I’m going to be a new man, and you’re going to help me.

It’s the same old story really – Boy meets girl, they fall in love but have to hide it from her parents, car chase, shoot-out, sex scene, snow falls, camera cranes back and up to show them embracing in a wooded glade… the usual stuff. But this isn’t just any romantic flick. This is my life. And now you are part of it.

Here’s the real deal. I’m in love with the most amazing woman in the world. The only problem is that she lives on the other side of it. We met while I was teaching English in Japan. Life there taught me about the value of family, and I realized I hadn’t seen mine for more than 48 hours in a row for the last 7 years. So I knew that I needed to come home for a while, make peace with the folks and then I planned to go back to Japan for good within a year. After three months at home I went back to visit my girlfriend and all our friends. We lived together in her apartment and everything was wonderful. Then I came back to America for the holidays. I recently called her to start planning my next visit which I thought would be this spring. I could tell something was wrong. What’s wrong is me, though neither of us realized it at the time.

She thinks the problem is that coming from two different cultures will be too hard (and maybe that I will give up on it when the going gets rough).  And she doesn’t think I can understand the situation with her family obligations.  (more on that later)

The truth is that I do understand, and that I won’t give up, and the real problem is that I’ve never given her any reason to believe in me.  Up to this point in my life I have done little more than float from one easy success to another without ever really trying at anything.  So most of my success comes from only doing things that I’m already good at, or comparing myself to underachievers.  In fact I remember the day I decided to become a half assed teacher.  It was in junior high school, when we had a substitute for theatre who was so bad that my friend in class ended up directing the class.  At that moment I thought to myself: “I could be a better shitty teacher than this guy.”  And now I am one.  I know I’m better than he was, so I’ve accomplished my goal; be a semi-shitty substitute teacher.  And what girl doesn’t dream of marrying a semi-shitty substitute teacher huh?

The other problem is that up until now I was making all these plans for how we would get married and I would rescue her from her crappy job working for her jerk uncle and then we would set off on a whirlwind tour of the world until we found the most perfect place to live in the most perfect country and live happily ever after.  But I forgot to ask what her plan is.  She feels bound to take care of her father, and to help her brother and soon-to-be sister in-law, who will also be working for the jerk uncle.  But she’s also studying Thai, and getting a certificate in teaching, so I know she has some big dreams, she’s just afraid.  And I’ve done nothing so far to assuage that fear.  I can’t afford rent lately, how am I supposed to provide for a future family?  And if I met her parents right now, what would I say?  “Hi, I’m a semi-unemployed semi-shitty substitute teacher and I’d like to marry your daughter.  In Japan the woman’s family pays for the wedding right?..”  Then I’d probably get to see if I could outrun an old man with a katana.

So, starting today I going to become a new man.  I am going to become the man my future wife deserves.  At the end of six months I intend to:

Get in shape so I can love my body.

Eliminate my debt so I can love my peace of mind.

Expand my online business until it brings in a living wage, so I can love my job.

Get my ESL certification so I can work anywhere in the world.

Become the compassionate, powerful, and understanding man that my girlfriend deserves, and if she decides to keep working for her gas station, I will happy as long as we are together.

Now is where you come in.  I need your support, advice, and encouragement to keep up my 5am workouts, and long days of hard work.  So the question is: Do you believe in love?